Expectation brings unhappiness

When you’re in a womb,

Mother takes extra care of herself is only because of you; gives you warm, thinks of your well being inside, she feels every bit of your moments, Gets pain by your kick, feeds you her body’s nutrition and become herself so pale and weak. Bear the pain of labor pain more than an hour to let you out in this world. When you’re out; it is both parent who suffer in making you a good human being;They watch you crawl, walk and then enroll to school, gives you basic things and education.

In those span till you stand yourself; certainly they suffer a lot; perspiration, worries, agony,

Difficulties, starvation and tears are elements they carry in making you an adult boy or a girl.

By the time you have job on your hand, parents become old; body wraps with wrinkles, cover with tinny bone and thin skin. In this situation they dearly need your love and care, they expect

More from you as you’re their blood son and daughter. But, instead of caring your age old parent you give more concern on your work and own family, then heartlessly turn down old ages expectation they have expected till date; you shatter their expectation, hopes, trust, and affection putting them in despair and vain. You have no time for them. It’s an inevitable all of us to face the old age suffer anyhow. Seeing all these reality it is better not to build extreme expectation. When it is not fulfilled it is only a cause of sadness and anguish. Still then to play a role of parents is paramount, but, without much expectation in return, I feel.

A person comes in your life as a sole mate, distinguishes as husband and wife in the eyes of society. You love him or her, have believe, trust and take promise of living together forever.

Each one has a high expectation of “love, care, concern, to lead a happy family, some even have more expectation of wealth and to live together forever”. When we are in love we usually forget about unforeseen future; We never expect to face with betray, hate, humiliation, loneliness, suffers of agony and sadness. We become dump to words, deaf to sound and blind for love. We do everything for love! Each other love crazily, perhaps, lasting for a month, a year or a few years.

Then a few years later, if your highly desired expectation is not fulfilled by your spouse or if something may intrudes that unable to comprehend, it holocaust peaceful relationship by then. Everything you have will become nothingness; you are betrayed, the trust you build will collapse,

Your expectation is in vain. But if your love is pure for what he/she is, not for wealth, instead of thinking for taking revenge you should be able to sit and bear seeing him going with others or alone happily. Live for his/her happiness and think fate leads you where you are. It is better for us not to have much expectation, still then to love every living soul is paramount.  

Family, friends and society-

We think family is everything for us, and friends for share our feelings, society is our audience who sees what we do and renders gossip of our deed. However, we trust them and feel they are our own. If you’re in jeopardy and need of families support, friends help and societies eyes of truth. You expect a lot and ask their hand for help. But, when they turn you down, you become a loner in this world; you have no wealth to grasps their support even if your heart says you are morally right. Truth sometimes does not work with human if one is accustomed to materials things.

Nevertheless, love them with not much expectation in return. Forget what they think of you though it may be difficult to do so. As per as you have the wealth of true heart, no matter what blocks your way, walk and face without harming others. Move ahead with truth,

Later, you will feel the happiness of being trued.

And will come to know who really you are.

These are not advice I’m compelling to do you all,

 But sharing an emotional experienced by a lay person. 

March 15, 2013

A surprise Birthday cake 

The day I joined to college I have seen how birthday was being celebrated. My class mates often made teachers emotional by organizing a surprise birthday. And a few of my colleagues celebrated their birthday in the classroom. It was actually a happy moment to see their cheerful faces. I only had to contribute the amount that was being asked. No worries for buying a gift I got to take as everything was done by my class mates who had better experience.   

Twice I was invited for friend’s Birth-day which I had to buy a gift myself. If I would have gone with empty handed I would have embarrassed, making peculiar myself when others were presenting their gifts to the Birthday girl. Bewildered what kind of gift my Birthday friend would like? I went to gift shop with my group friends. When they were busy selecting gift, I stood like a fool who do not know at which direction to turn and move on. There were various and elegant gifts kept on a shelf with price tag on each packet, expensive and cheap ones. Lastly, I selected a mug thinking it can be usable for drinking though it last no longer and easily breakable. To take a gift has become necessary for a birthday, to bring smiles on birthday girl or a boy’s face, seeing the gift.

A few of my friends kept on asking me, when was my birthday? My reply to them was simple “I do not have Birth-date”. Don’t u have parent or are you not come from a mother’s womb? They questioned me. “Yes I do have parents”, I said. I become nostalgia when ever someone throws, especially this question. When I was in High school, in winter vacation, I once asked my mother to tell me the exact Birth date of mine. She was unable to answer it. She might have thought that I would be sad as she could not remember the date being a mother. I could see her face turn in sad mood and her voice tone changed so soft. “Since I gave a birth to fourteen children I could not remember all of your Birth date” she said. I immediately comforted her saying it was not a big deal, I simply asked if you could remember. It’s okay mother. Since then as I did not know my accurate birth date, who ever ask my birthday, I reply them that I do not have “Birth date”. I do not blame my parents for not remembering; instead I’m happy that I do not have to celebrate a birthday, spending luxuries.

Never had I envied when I see others celebrating a birthday. In my village, none of the child would have experienced the celebration or hear the term “birthday celebration”.  They are happy if their stomach is filled enough to survive for a day. Rather I felt it was better not to remember birth date, in the town where modern style of life is more in centered. However, with no expectation my friends had overwhelmed me, putting me in modern life of celebration which I never had experience through out my life till date.  

  March 15, 2013, was a conjured day; a miracle and a memorable day! The sun and moon has never taken a partiality, it has been glittering, giving a brightness and live to living things. Now the turn has come to me, the day I had never expected someone would do a surprise thing to me. I heard a knock at the door, when I opened; it was my friends with a cake, singing a birthday song “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU”. I did not know what to do? I was assured it wasn't my birthday celebration since they already knew I do not have B-date. With astonished I asked who’s this is for. “It’s your Birthday, from today onward March 15^th is your B-day”. Sooner I spoke a phrase “I have no words”, my tears rolled down. It was not that I have no words but my rattle throat blocked to voice my words. My friends joined with me in shedding their tears too. I could feel how is like giving a surprise to anyone.   

For fixing a surprise, bringing cheerful to my face and fulfilling my never wished Birthday; I wholeheartedly thanked my friends who have made the day special to me! 

Was I really missing the Snow Fall

Image from Facebook

As-usual, it was holiday for Third Saturday of this month. The time was half-passed Ten when my mobile rang; I was in the bathroom, washing cloths. The moment I heard the ring tone, I drove the cloths and rushed in my bed room to receive the call. It was my friend. She and her friend, they were going out for visiting some places in Bangalore. As I stay alone, she thought I would be feeling lonely. She asked me to accompany them. I convinced her saying I will go next time. Indeed, she was right that I was feeling lonely. Whenever I feel lonely, I better chose to stay at home. They were gone. I got back to my work.

The next, I browse net for searching materials for psychology project work. In the mean time, I prepared breakfast. My breakfast was Pazta-Thukpa. While I was having Thukpa, like everyone, I just flipped into Facebook- so-called Social-Net-Working. As soon as the page displayed, it gave me cherishing news-‘Snow Fall in Thimphu’. Friends had unloaded the news with freezing picture. The picture has moved me into imagination, dragging me back in Bhutan. I remembered the happy moment I had in Bhutan. 

For Three years, to live out of own country is actually hardest thing I feel sometimes. Perhaps, people may like travelling around the world. But, their ultimate wish would be, to live and die in their own Country with peace and happy- ‘we in Bhutan’. I wished I was there in Bhutan, in the time of snow fall, to enjoy with my dear ones and…I missed the Snow-Fall. 

I

I want to go somewhere,
a place where there is,
no attachment for environment.

I want to go somewhere,
where there is no nature,
of born and die.

I want to go somewhere,
where there is no,
sad and happy existed.

I want to go somewhere,
where i do not fall to be,
an 'object'-'source of suffer'.

I want to go somewhere,
a place where there is no 'I'. 

I call I'm a sinner

Today, In this night I felt a spasm of sadness,

My brain squeezed with words,

Heart spoke for bitterness,

And two hands clenched to type the words

Here it goes…

Our tiny body carries emotions-

The pain, suffer, happiness and sorrow,

Which neither can be seen nor grasp it.

Our body is made up of blood, flesh and bones,

And also runs the same impulsive in all souls.

If these emotions can be seen like a rainbow,

One could identify a hue of emotions,

To see if one is in sad or joy mood.

But we observe them by their physical gesture,

And fails to feel what other really feels.  

Many say you’re bold;

It is certain that I too act boldly,

No one asked me to be bold in the beginning,

Both my parents are farmer and

They are illiterates to write to me ‘be bold’,

But I was make sure not to steal and lie

From the day I sense I’m human.

Half of my life is passed, and

Half unforeseen life has to crawl through.

In the day to till today-

I walked through rough road;

I felt a victim of betray and neglect,

I listened to a song of sorrows and

Wrote a few verses of, my own, in my diary.

As a medicine I drunk alcohol to quench

My pain, bitterness and suffer,

But it did not work.   

I met different people and

Learnt different life experiences.

Today you see me as who I’m not who I was,

It is all because of hardship I went through,

And the people who gave me lessons who I should be.

If others see a bold heart, I must confess even bold has pain

And it cries for others good.  

  

My tiny body too carries emotions,

Yet some feels I’m ‘bold’.

To act bold it seems heartless,

Show no love!

But boldness encompasses the pain.

I have not enjoy the sadness and happiness

That is not yours. I feel I’m cruel because I act bold.

But I will not stop to put into practice to be bold.

As I act bold-I call myself a sinner.

Still I here plead be bold too. 

Know or unknown I hurt many souls,

I might have beaten others by my harsh words,

Made cry and killed the alive soul.

If I say I did all for others good will,

It seems dramatic. But the heart speaks the truth.

Until one could comprehend my verses genuinely

-I call myself a sinner. And

You may delete a word sinner if empathize my phrases.