Was I really missing the Snow Fall

Image from Facebook

As-usual, it was holiday for Third Saturday of this month. The time was half-passed Ten when my mobile rang; I was in the bathroom, washing cloths. The moment I heard the ring tone, I drove the cloths and rushed in my bed room to receive the call. It was my friend. She and her friend, they were going out for visiting some places in Bangalore. As I stay alone, she thought I would be feeling lonely. She asked me to accompany them. I convinced her saying I will go next time. Indeed, she was right that I was feeling lonely. Whenever I feel lonely, I better chose to stay at home. They were gone. I got back to my work.

The next, I browse net for searching materials for psychology project work. In the mean time, I prepared breakfast. My breakfast was Pazta-Thukpa. While I was having Thukpa, like everyone, I just flipped into Facebook- so-called Social-Net-Working. As soon as the page displayed, it gave me cherishing news-‘Snow Fall in Thimphu’. Friends had unloaded the news with freezing picture. The picture has moved me into imagination, dragging me back in Bhutan. I remembered the happy moment I had in Bhutan. 

For Three years, to live out of own country is actually hardest thing I feel sometimes. Perhaps, people may like travelling around the world. But, their ultimate wish would be, to live and die in their own Country with peace and happy- ‘we in Bhutan’. I wished I was there in Bhutan, in the time of snow fall, to enjoy with my dear ones and…I missed the Snow-Fall. 

I

I want to go somewhere,
a place where there is,
no attachment for environment.

I want to go somewhere,
where there is no nature,
of born and die.

I want to go somewhere,
where there is no,
sad and happy existed.

I want to go somewhere,
where i do not fall to be,
an 'object'-'source of suffer'.

I want to go somewhere,
a place where there is no 'I'. 

I call I'm a sinner

Today, In this night I felt a spasm of sadness,

My brain squeezed with words,

Heart spoke for bitterness,

And two hands clenched to type the words

Here it goes…

Our tiny body carries emotions-

The pain, suffer, happiness and sorrow,

Which neither can be seen nor grasp it.

Our body is made up of blood, flesh and bones,

And also runs the same impulsive in all souls.

If these emotions can be seen like a rainbow,

One could identify a hue of emotions,

To see if one is in sad or joy mood.

But we observe them by their physical gesture,

And fails to feel what other really feels.  

Many say you’re bold;

It is certain that I too act boldly,

No one asked me to be bold in the beginning,

Both my parents are farmer and

They are illiterates to write to me ‘be bold’,

But I was make sure not to steal and lie

From the day I sense I’m human.

Half of my life is passed, and

Half unforeseen life has to crawl through.

In the day to till today-

I walked through rough road;

I felt a victim of betray and neglect,

I listened to a song of sorrows and

Wrote a few verses of, my own, in my diary.

As a medicine I drunk alcohol to quench

My pain, bitterness and suffer,

But it did not work.   

I met different people and

Learnt different life experiences.

Today you see me as who I’m not who I was,

It is all because of hardship I went through,

And the people who gave me lessons who I should be.

If others see a bold heart, I must confess even bold has pain

And it cries for others good.  

  

My tiny body too carries emotions,

Yet some feels I’m ‘bold’.

To act bold it seems heartless,

Show no love!

But boldness encompasses the pain.

I have not enjoy the sadness and happiness

That is not yours. I feel I’m cruel because I act bold.

But I will not stop to put into practice to be bold.

As I act bold-I call myself a sinner.

Still I here plead be bold too. 

Know or unknown I hurt many souls,

I might have beaten others by my harsh words,

Made cry and killed the alive soul.

If I say I did all for others good will,

It seems dramatic. But the heart speaks the truth.

Until one could comprehend my verses genuinely

-I call myself a sinner. And

You may delete a word sinner if empathize my phrases.