this summer time

have a glance at this picture, see how beautifully it blooms

The winter desert has bidden adieu, welcoming the summer rain. In this summer time, a field covered in green grass, the flowering peach trees, adorning the winter wither scenery into the blooming one. Together with returning of the summer it brings a smile on the face of far-flung farmers who are completely depends on agriculture. But, today by this summer afternoon, has made my mood gloomy like the cloudy weather in the out. Not only me, may be someone from somewhere at the corner may be feeling gloomy. I do not know who but someone unknown or unseen as all the beings in this world have a seed of Buddha’s mind. I thought a reason for feeling sad deeply inside me may be because of the outer weather.

In time, one of my friends came to me. Looking at her eyes I knew she was feeling drowsy too. She asked me to go with her at Canteen for a tea. I agreed immediately as I too was badly in need of a cup of tea that could draw my attention from the sadness. More than half an hour we spared our time for tea and there we had an informative talk. Our talk was nothing especial than of a movement of life.

After having a cup of tea we were again diverted to our work. In repose, I leaned back in my armchair, giving a though of what my friend has just shared with me a moment ago. “Are you happy”, she asked. To this question, I simply answered “my mind fluctuates with the situations”, which means my answer clearly proves that I fail to be the custodian of my own mind although I should be.  There are all kinds of thoughts running through my mind like seasonal varies, and wondering why I’m failure in subduing those unwanted thoughts and why I’m unable to think meaningful thoughts. Time and again I reiterate the same questions and I could not squish as I fall to commit the same mistakes.

I looked out through the window which gives me a way to have a glimpse at outside. Seeing rushing vehicles and people who were strolling along the road, it flashback me of the time when I was, with perspiration, stroll around the capital, in search of a job. Amongst those walking people, there must be as many as students who are seeking for a job, weighing down by tension, thinking they may not get even shortlisted, despite, being recruited. How terrible state of mind that must be, having no host who would offer a cup of tea in depressing situation. This thought of mine has abate my current sadness. Whether, we are in sadness or happiness, I think it is the best remedies to recollect of other's suffer that you have witnessed and do away with your present dingy thoughts. 

The above mention words may not find base on rational. I just wrote this especially to keep myself engage in writing something that would abate the emotion boils inside me. None of the souls have put me into the realm where I would be sad and droop. Life I have learned through experience and the people, whom I have encountered with, have taught me in many ways, yet there is a lot more to be learned of life. 

A story to be shared

an inspiring quote from google

My son did not nag me for night feeding. He was in sound sleep. And the city dogs that used to bark throughout the night have made peaceful night for sleep. There was nothing disturbance that could provoke my sleep. Yet, my thought kept me  awake.

This silent night facilitated me of introspection of life. Every life has a history to be told, a diverse story. As we live alive we are encountering a people who are thawing with different crises. I mean to say I too have a story that I really wanted to share with you all my readers.  

Two days before, a lass came to me asking help to fill her form. In the time I was busy with some official work. Looking at her innocent face I could not ignore her from helping. 

“Madam, there is a vacancy and I am seeking for that job,  help me to fill this form”. 
I did not know what the form could be. I asked her, what form is it?
 "I have no idea what form it is", She said. 
I received the form and read it. It was RCSC employment Form. "What position are you applying for?" I asked. 
"I am applying for a sweeper". she said hesitantly. 
Noticing shyness on her face I did not enquire more. When I was about to finished filling the form she started narrating her life story that happened recently and the reason why she was made to seek a job for a sweeper.

Her story starts here; leaving all the relatives and village behind, I married to him. I gave him full trust. To be a faithful wife was only the words I had in my mind. He was a nice and loving husband. His parents did well to me. I was glad and thanked God for blessing me of a wonderful environment. I was fully depending on him as I being a daughter of farmer and having no education. I was just a housewife. 
A year later I gave a birth to his child and I become no more juvenile. Now I’m called a mother. The pattern of my life twisted when my child’s age turned a year old. I have seen others women suffering from betray but I never thought such life would befall on me. Perhaps this is called what fate is;

My husband started ignoring home. He comes home fully drunk. I was wondering what was happening to him. It was fruitless to tell him not to drink. One day he came home with a lady. Having no idea who she was, I offered her all the hospitality I could do. Being a faithful spouse, will anyone able to stand still if your wife or husband reveals the truth that you have no clue of? I was broken down when my husband narrated about a new lady of him. The news killed my trust and felt like I was a fish in the dry land. They were like a king and queen at home. Nothing I could share my painful feelings at that moment. Only I could do was weeping for my fate and vanishing from his life. If he was a humble and trusted husband he would have never thought of doing such bitter crime for someone who loves him dearly.

Now, I have no job in hand to run the daily meals. When my child will be grown up she will get spoiled if I get spoiled just now coz of my husband. To build my child’s life stable I must be stabled. To nurture my child I’m seeking a job thinking I would earn a little. With that little money I will have to buy rice and vegetables to keep away my child from hunger and to buy blanket to keep away from cooler. Luxuries I don’t have and I will never wish hereafter if I will be blessed with only a necessary needed things. My only reason for living is for my child. Her wither face, dripping with tear-drop, she ended the story. She was given a legally divorce.  

What will you do if you were in her situation? Deliberately her husband had deleted her name from his life. By brute force she had to go out of home. There was no home waiting for her. Moreover she has no job for surviving. Who will do favor at instant to her?    

 Quote from google

I was taken aback hearing such a bitter story. Nevertheless, this heart crying story which made me move to yesterday’s memories was not a new story as i have heard before. There are many such stories happening around having different problems depending on a situations. Perhaps, with me many of you may be wondering why such problem have to be arisen more. And we have no answer to this because we cannot predict the future and the same problem may befall on us. 
Listening to this melancholy story what I could do was only to wish "sun shines on her way and make her life evergreen.      

A hope....

Out In the cold we expect sun to be shown to make our body comfort by warmer rays. Out In the scorching sun what we expect Is nature air to be blown and feel cool ourselves. Expectation is one of those elements born in us when someone promises to do an altruistic thing. Like the same way what all the mothers have been expecting was one of the pledges made by our Honorable New Government (PDP); the pledges that suppose to be made was to extend maternity leave by adding three more months over the preceded maternity Leave. This talk became hot news in the city and it blooms an every women’s heart. Women’s expectations were high then.

In time I was in maternity leave. Three months maternity leave was left only a few days to complete and there was no talk of implementing the nine months maternity leave which actually was to be made. This dormant has dragged me in worry thinking that how I will be able to leave my three months old child at home for the first time. Like me, the same worry would have been prevailed in the entire mothers mind.  

 According to the Hospital, mothers are being counseled or instructed that mothers must feed the child only mother’s milk for six months. To make up the nurses advises, as a mother, to fulfill the mother’s responsibilities and to follow the Hospital’s Instructions.  Every day at sharp noon I leave office for home to be feed my son who is just a few months old

I catch Taxi which cost me Nultrum eighty to hundred that is just for one way – from office to home. It takes me a few minutes to reach home. According to Government timing schedule, feeding timing is at sharp 12 to 2pm. I divide the time; half an hour for my son and another half an hour for coming back to office. From home I walk down at Changjiji bridge to catch Taxi till town. From town I walk to office. People like us; to live in city, it is very difficult to afford daily expenses. Many a times many of us are in depress because of the word so called – insufficient.  

I could go day feeding for four months. since the distance and financial matters i stopped going feeding and i reach home when the dusk is falling. By the time I reach home my son would be crying for milk.
Nevertheless, keeping all the individual problem aside, as a citizen and a civil servant, our concern and promise is to serve our country with transparent and genuine. My only hope is if our Government could implement the aforementioned pledge for six months if not nine months. If implemented, all the infant of the parents would be grateful.

Life has many things that has to be scarifies and has many things that has to be done.

Expectation brings unhappiness

When you’re in a womb,

Mother takes extra care of herself is only because of you; gives you warm, thinks of your well being inside, she feels every bit of your moments, Gets pain by your kick, feeds you her body’s nutrition and become herself so pale and weak. Bear the pain of labor pain more than an hour to let you out in this world. When you’re out; it is both parent who suffer in making you a good human being;They watch you crawl, walk and then enroll to school, gives you basic things and education.

In those span till you stand yourself; certainly they suffer a lot; perspiration, worries, agony,

Difficulties, starvation and tears are elements they carry in making you an adult boy or a girl.

By the time you have job on your hand, parents become old; body wraps with wrinkles, cover with tinny bone and thin skin. In this situation they dearly need your love and care, they expect

More from you as you’re their blood son and daughter. But, instead of caring your age old parent you give more concern on your work and own family, then heartlessly turn down old ages expectation they have expected till date; you shatter their expectation, hopes, trust, and affection putting them in despair and vain. You have no time for them. It’s an inevitable all of us to face the old age suffer anyhow. Seeing all these reality it is better not to build extreme expectation. When it is not fulfilled it is only a cause of sadness and anguish. Still then to play a role of parents is paramount, but, without much expectation in return, I feel.

A person comes in your life as a sole mate, distinguishes as husband and wife in the eyes of society. You love him or her, have believe, trust and take promise of living together forever.

Each one has a high expectation of “love, care, concern, to lead a happy family, some even have more expectation of wealth and to live together forever”. When we are in love we usually forget about unforeseen future; We never expect to face with betray, hate, humiliation, loneliness, suffers of agony and sadness. We become dump to words, deaf to sound and blind for love. We do everything for love! Each other love crazily, perhaps, lasting for a month, a year or a few years.

Then a few years later, if your highly desired expectation is not fulfilled by your spouse or if something may intrudes that unable to comprehend, it holocaust peaceful relationship by then. Everything you have will become nothingness; you are betrayed, the trust you build will collapse,

Your expectation is in vain. But if your love is pure for what he/she is, not for wealth, instead of thinking for taking revenge you should be able to sit and bear seeing him going with others or alone happily. Live for his/her happiness and think fate leads you where you are. It is better for us not to have much expectation, still then to love every living soul is paramount.  

Family, friends and society-

We think family is everything for us, and friends for share our feelings, society is our audience who sees what we do and renders gossip of our deed. However, we trust them and feel they are our own. If you’re in jeopardy and need of families support, friends help and societies eyes of truth. You expect a lot and ask their hand for help. But, when they turn you down, you become a loner in this world; you have no wealth to grasps their support even if your heart says you are morally right. Truth sometimes does not work with human if one is accustomed to materials things.

Nevertheless, love them with not much expectation in return. Forget what they think of you though it may be difficult to do so. As per as you have the wealth of true heart, no matter what blocks your way, walk and face without harming others. Move ahead with truth,

Later, you will feel the happiness of being trued.

And will come to know who really you are.

These are not advice I’m compelling to do you all,

 But sharing an emotional experienced by a lay person. 

March 15, 2013

A surprise Birthday cake 

The day I joined to college I have seen how birthday was being celebrated. My class mates often made teachers emotional by organizing a surprise birthday. And a few of my colleagues celebrated their birthday in the classroom. It was actually a happy moment to see their cheerful faces. I only had to contribute the amount that was being asked. No worries for buying a gift I got to take as everything was done by my class mates who had better experience.   

Twice I was invited for friend’s Birth-day which I had to buy a gift myself. If I would have gone with empty handed I would have embarrassed, making peculiar myself when others were presenting their gifts to the Birthday girl. Bewildered what kind of gift my Birthday friend would like? I went to gift shop with my group friends. When they were busy selecting gift, I stood like a fool who do not know at which direction to turn and move on. There were various and elegant gifts kept on a shelf with price tag on each packet, expensive and cheap ones. Lastly, I selected a mug thinking it can be usable for drinking though it last no longer and easily breakable. To take a gift has become necessary for a birthday, to bring smiles on birthday girl or a boy’s face, seeing the gift.

A few of my friends kept on asking me, when was my birthday? My reply to them was simple “I do not have Birth-date”. Don’t u have parent or are you not come from a mother’s womb? They questioned me. “Yes I do have parents”, I said. I become nostalgia when ever someone throws, especially this question. When I was in High school, in winter vacation, I once asked my mother to tell me the exact Birth date of mine. She was unable to answer it. She might have thought that I would be sad as she could not remember the date being a mother. I could see her face turn in sad mood and her voice tone changed so soft. “Since I gave a birth to fourteen children I could not remember all of your Birth date” she said. I immediately comforted her saying it was not a big deal, I simply asked if you could remember. It’s okay mother. Since then as I did not know my accurate birth date, who ever ask my birthday, I reply them that I do not have “Birth date”. I do not blame my parents for not remembering; instead I’m happy that I do not have to celebrate a birthday, spending luxuries.

Never had I envied when I see others celebrating a birthday. In my village, none of the child would have experienced the celebration or hear the term “birthday celebration”.  They are happy if their stomach is filled enough to survive for a day. Rather I felt it was better not to remember birth date, in the town where modern style of life is more in centered. However, with no expectation my friends had overwhelmed me, putting me in modern life of celebration which I never had experience through out my life till date.  

  March 15, 2013, was a conjured day; a miracle and a memorable day! The sun and moon has never taken a partiality, it has been glittering, giving a brightness and live to living things. Now the turn has come to me, the day I had never expected someone would do a surprise thing to me. I heard a knock at the door, when I opened; it was my friends with a cake, singing a birthday song “HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU”. I did not know what to do? I was assured it wasn't my birthday celebration since they already knew I do not have B-date. With astonished I asked who’s this is for. “It’s your Birthday, from today onward March 15^th is your B-day”. Sooner I spoke a phrase “I have no words”, my tears rolled down. It was not that I have no words but my rattle throat blocked to voice my words. My friends joined with me in shedding their tears too. I could feel how is like giving a surprise to anyone.   

For fixing a surprise, bringing cheerful to my face and fulfilling my never wished Birthday; I wholeheartedly thanked my friends who have made the day special to me! 

Was I really missing the Snow Fall

Image from Facebook

As-usual, it was holiday for Third Saturday of this month. The time was half-passed Ten when my mobile rang; I was in the bathroom, washing cloths. The moment I heard the ring tone, I drove the cloths and rushed in my bed room to receive the call. It was my friend. She and her friend, they were going out for visiting some places in Bangalore. As I stay alone, she thought I would be feeling lonely. She asked me to accompany them. I convinced her saying I will go next time. Indeed, she was right that I was feeling lonely. Whenever I feel lonely, I better chose to stay at home. They were gone. I got back to my work.

The next, I browse net for searching materials for psychology project work. In the mean time, I prepared breakfast. My breakfast was Pazta-Thukpa. While I was having Thukpa, like everyone, I just flipped into Facebook- so-called Social-Net-Working. As soon as the page displayed, it gave me cherishing news-‘Snow Fall in Thimphu’. Friends had unloaded the news with freezing picture. The picture has moved me into imagination, dragging me back in Bhutan. I remembered the happy moment I had in Bhutan. 

For Three years, to live out of own country is actually hardest thing I feel sometimes. Perhaps, people may like travelling around the world. But, their ultimate wish would be, to live and die in their own Country with peace and happy- ‘we in Bhutan’. I wished I was there in Bhutan, in the time of snow fall, to enjoy with my dear ones and…I missed the Snow-Fall. 

I

I want to go somewhere,
a place where there is,
no attachment for environment.

I want to go somewhere,
where there is no nature,
of born and die.

I want to go somewhere,
where there is no,
sad and happy existed.

I want to go somewhere,
where i do not fall to be,
an 'object'-'source of suffer'.

I want to go somewhere,
a place where there is no 'I'.